I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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