The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
