They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
