If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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