I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
