Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
