Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
