the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
