Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
In America we eat man semen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
