I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
