we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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