I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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