I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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