i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
