buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
