i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
