whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
