If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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