i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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