Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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