Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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