So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am available for nakedness
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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