Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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