Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize