Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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