Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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