cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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