6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
