i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
