dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
