you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
