I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
