Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize