weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize