the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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