Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this just has baby written all over it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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