Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize