She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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