am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
