The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
