If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
