I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
