so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
