Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sex in a hospital.. check
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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