Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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