At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
