What a fucking waste of an outfit
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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