even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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