Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
