i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
