u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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