I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
