i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
