Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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