I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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