New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
