All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
