there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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