I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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