I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
