How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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