On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
