Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
