If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
