This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
