He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
