So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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