They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
