i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
