I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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