I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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