there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
