We're facebook friends in real life
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
