i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
