He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize