So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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