my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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