neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
