it's like iHOP with fire
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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