He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
