the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize