you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
