I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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