Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize