Betty ford says i'm here all night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize