i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
