So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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