My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
