I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize