shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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