would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
