Even my vagina gasped.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
