so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
