You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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