I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
