Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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