2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
